Your Body Is A Wonderland

In the words of John Mayer…

We love porn (when it’s ethical) but we can’t deny its lack of realism, nowhere is this more obvious than how women masturbate in porn, just a few minutes of frantic rubbing with your legs splayed as wide as is humanly possible and voila, orgasm achieved. Errr, not quite how it works. You’d almost think porn was made almost exclusively through the male gaze.

The thing is, we don’t actually realise how much influence this probs does have on how we do masturbate, given how little information we’re given during school about self pleasure, we don’t have much to go on, so porn and popular culture for that matter fill the gaps. Sadly, the positions aren’t exactly the ones that are best linked to us having an orgasm.

With the aid of our mate Barbie, we thought we’d give you some alternatives to try, or you know, stick to laying on your back, whatever floats your boat.


This one is by far one of the best positions for discovering new spots, you can access a lot of angles, lean forward and back for new sensations and use different toys.

Free The Nip

A lot of what we see in pop culture suggests that the only way women can orgasm is by stimulating the vaginal area. Heard of the nipplegasm before? Well it’s not an urban myth. Playing with your nipples can bring you a lot of pleasure. How so? I hear you ask.

Well, nipples have hundreds of nerve endings, making them super sensitive to touch.  When your nipples are stimulated, they shoot off sparks in the genital sensory cortex (fancy scientific term). Interestingly (or maybe not for you) this is the same area of the brain that’s aroused by vaginal or clitoral stimulation.

The Solo Spoon

Some say that the thing that makes the classic spoon position so lovely is the intimacy… yawn, not for us, it’s the clitoral access.

Lie on your side and put a toy between your legs. You can either go hands-free and just rock gently against it, or use your hand to guide.

Legs Up

Chances are if you’ve masturbated before, you’ve given missionary a whirl. But if penetration is your thing, by changing it up a little bit and resting your feet against a wall, you’ll be able to get that bit deeper and increase your chances of hitting the right spot (not the g-spot, that doesn’t exist).


To be completely honest when we were brainstorming this one came about as a bit of a joke. We haven’t done it ourselves BUT if their are any yoga pros out there that have, get in touch and let us know how it went…


If you enjoy a lot of pressure against your clit give this one a whirl, you can grind against the mattress, or if you fancy going wild, add a toy or pillow to the mix.

The weight of your body adds extra friction against the hood of your clitoris, and the back-and-forth grinding strokes the shaft of your clitoris as it becomes erect.


The solo take on doggy-style. The flexibility of this position allows different angles of your clitoris to be reached at different pressures.

Oldie But Goldie

We didn’t want to be prejudice so we stuck in this golden oldie, likelihood is it floats a lot of your boats.

Sign up to our newsletter for more banging content and to fuck off the patriarchy.