The “Loose Vagina”

Our morals, values, and worth definitely plummet each time we have sex, that’s why our journey home from some shit sex is a “walk of shame”, and for men, this same journey is called, wait for it… a walk.

Hey virgin, you know when you have sex your vagina gets loose af? Yeah, having a wonderful, magical penis inside it means it loses all elasticity foreva and eva.

Yawn, we all heard that myth at school. We remember the taunts of that girl:

“like throwing a hot dog down a corridor”

“feeding a tic-tac to a whale”

“a banana down a jumbo jet” 

The reality is she’d probs only just lost her “virginity” to her boyfriend and it probs felt incredibly tight and sore. Not quite the jumbo jet ey?

Having a “loose vagina” is a slur aimed at women from the get-go, from the moment you enter puberty til after childbirth (where, spoiler alert, it may actually get a bit looser cos you’ve just pushed a massive fucking baby out of it). Its message has been around for as long as women have been having sex. The vagina of a person who has loads of sex will become loose over time. 

Weirdly tho, it’s a fact that exists only for women who aren’t in monogamous relationships. You know, cos the vagina of a single woman who’s had sex with a hundred people looks completely different to the vagina of someone who’s had sex with her partner a hundred times. Now ain’t that strange? It almost seems like this “fact” about vaginas is made up and complete bullshit, it couldn’t be just another way for society to shame the sexual autonomy of women, now could it? Nah, we’re crazyyy, our morals, values, and worth definitely plummet each time we have sex, that’s why our journey home from some shit sex is a “walk of shame”, and for men, this same journey is called, wait for it… a walk.

Let’s get real now, shall we? There’s zero evidence that penetration causes your vagina to stretch out permanently. Zilch. Nada. Soz Brad, you just ain’t quite big enough. For the more sciencey among us, the vagina’s tightly folded muscle tissue is extremely elastic, during sexual arousal the muscle tissue relaxes, it then returns to its natural size and shape, k nerds? It’s actually quite a leap to assume that penetration would permanently change a vagina, an area which is designed to change its size to accommodate. Maybe we should start telling guys that every time they have sex with someone with a super super tight vagina, it squishes their dick a little because it’s so tight. Tell em to watch out tho cos the more sex they have with tight vaginas, the more their dick gets squished. Getting smaller and smaller. Sounds ridic we know, but it’s the exact the same thing.

Now of course, vaginas can get looser over time due to things like age and childbirth, but the myth that “looseness” is caused by penetration is a complete and utter lie, perpetuated by our patriarchal society to stop women from exploring their sexuality. This idea has been used throughout time to shame women for having active sex lives and to scare us into believing that the more sexual partners we have, the slacker our vagina becomes. Can we stop pls? Stop equating a tight vagina with virginity (social construct anyway), desirability, and youth and teach young women the truth about their bodies, teaching men wouldn’t hurt too tbf.

Maybe, just maybe, with a bit of education, women won’t feel shamed or like they’re “damaged goods” just for wanting to have sex with whoever the fuck they want. Maybe men will stop making shit factually incorrect memes comparing women’s genitals to pieces of fucking fish and maybe, just maybe, we’ll all get along in perfect harmony, fucking without abandon.

Sign up to our newsletter for more banging content.