I Am A Self-Identifying Slut

I am a self-identifying slut, and a proud one at that.

By Katriana Ciccotto

I am a self-identifying slut, and a proud one at that. Yep, you read that correctly – I am a slut and I am proud of it. I am a sexually empowered woman who loves to have good sex, talk about sex, learn about sex, dream about sex, and improve my sex. I unashamedly love sex, take full ownership of my selfish pleasure and I’m strongly in favour of women choosing to embark on a slut phase. But even apart from sex, I am still a slut who does as she pleases because as you’ll see throughout this blog, being called a slut is often nothing to do with your sex life. A slut is the woman your mother warned you about and the establishment hates her. In the words of Amber Rose, “this self-proclaimed hoe is a powerful woman and an unapologetic feminist”. 

I often fantasise about a post-slut society where sluts no longer have to hide in the closet, where we would slut-praise rather than slut-shame. A world where I could walk topless down my local high street without being catcalled or judged, where I would hi5 my best friend for sleeping with two guys in the same weekend (if that’s what SHE wanted to do). A society where sex parties would be encouraged, free STI tests would be sent to your door every 2 weeks, consent would be taught in primary school, real vulva’s would be plastered all over Instagram and other everyday platforms and a woman’s body count would become completely irrelevant. A slut can dream.

Historical Sluts

According to the Oxford Dictionary, the word ‘slut’ itself has two definitions. The first I expected, but the second one completely baffled me. And tbh, if it’s true, then I am the biggest slut South West London has ever seen.

  1. A woman who has many sexual partners
  2. A woman who is very untidy or lazy   (sorry, whut)

The truth is, for me, being a slut is more than just your body count or the state of your floordrobe, it’s a way of life. Being a slut is an attitude that transcends who you sleep with or how often you have sex. But if I am so comfortable with my self-proclaimed slut-hood, why do official terms matter?

Language drives social attitudes. We don’t need to look any further than words like ‘half-caste’ that were used to describe people of dual heritage. At the time they weren’t considered offensive but are thankfully, today in the prime of Black Lives Matter, used less. By reclaiming the word ‘slut’, we take ownership of it. We take power away from the man and stick a politically incorrect middle finger up at the patriarchy. Or better yet, flash our god-forbidden nipples at it. 

Nowadays, the term slut (the modern day term for whore) may still be one of abuse but historically they’re both rooted in fear of female independence and sexual autonomy. Back in the day, if you desire, you are a whore, if you have sex outside of marriage, you are a whore, if you are a woman who disobeys the status quo, you are a whore. It may have started as a word associated with early sex workers, but even the most powerful women in the world without connection to the sex trade (Mary Wollstonecraft, Margaret Thatcher, Phulan Devi) have all been called whores.  The insult is used to insult and degrade women for reasons totally unrelated to their sex lives. By this logic, we’re all historical sluts. 

Slutriana

Women are criticised for everything, by everyone, from how we dress to our behaviour. I remember the first time I was called a slut, it was a label that was forced on me before I was even sexually active. I was 10 years old and in primary school when a boy in my class used the word to insult me because my neon pink training bra was showing through my school shirt. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve been called a slut or whore since then. 

Coming from a strictly Roman Catholic family, when I go back home to Sicily, I have to be extra cautious of what I wear out of fear of being judged by people in the town. I literally can’t wear an off the shoulder dress without every man in the town thinking I wanna fuck them and every woman in the town thinking I’m after their hairy husband. 

Women aren’t innocent here – we use it to turn against each other too (I’ve been guilty of this, too). One instance that really stands out to me was when, in true Regina George style, a girl at secondary school called me ‘Slutriana’ in attempt to humiliate and degrade me. It worked, and it stuck with me for years after that. I can’t remember exactly what the motivation was but it was probably to do with my sex life. To help myself move on from it, I recently reclaimed the word because it’s actually kind of catchy? So, I changed my name on social media from Katriana to Slutriana – it’s my way of flipping that situation from one that hurt me to one that makes me feel proud to be who I am. As Tina Fey’s character, Ms Norbury, in Mean Girls said, ‘You’ve got to stop calling each other sluts and whores. It just makes it OK for guys to call you sluts and whores.’ Or, just reclaim it. Iconique

If we entertain men we’re sluts and if we don’t we’re stoosh.

The importance of a slut phase

Do you know one thing that really fucks me clean off? That women have been expected to keep our pussies “virtuous” and low mileage and essentially lie about how many people we’ve slept with in order to keep our ‘wifey’ potential intact. I’m talking about the almighty body count and how it can stupidly hold so much weight when pursuing someone. I’ve been asked for my body count on a first date before and answered out of pressure but have promised myself not to answer it anymore. We all lie about it anyway – women half it, and men multiply it, it’s pointless and means nothing. If it really matters then get to know me first, and eat my pussy, before you ask for my body count. 

I have this made up formula that I like to imagine men use to calculate a woman’s slut level. It looks something like this. 

Take your age in years, and now:

  • minus the number of years spent in a serious relationship
  • plus your body count 
  • plus the number of drugs you’ve tried (yes, weed counts)
  • plus the number of times you’ve been arrested 
  • plus the number of tattoos + piercings you have 
  • add 5 if you’ve had a boob job or fillers
  • divide this by two

Results:

Up to 15: Wifey material 

15-35: Weekend Slut 

35+: The Ultimate Slut

Despite my imaginary formula from hell (I think it low key exists), I am a huge advocate for having a slut phase. By slut phase, I mean dating multiple people and having casual sex. For me, it happened after a longterm relationship and it worked wonders for me. It demystified sex, in the sense that it taught me that it’s possible to have sex for pleasure, free from the commitment of monogamy or marriage and absolutely free from judgement. My slut phase allowed me to try a bit of everything, kind of like a taster menu at a fancy restaurant (not that I’ve been) so that I could open my own restaurant and design my own menu. I learnt what I was into, and what I definitely was not into. Having sex with multiple partners led me to delve deeper into my sexuality.

My slut phase taught me more than just sexual lessons, it taught me how to bond with myself, I rediscovered my confidence and it encouraged me to love every part of myself. It also highlighted my negative parts, like I really struggle with communication and sometimes displaying my emotions. 

Sex is part of the glue in relationships, I dunno why we’re all so unwilling to admit it. It’s not shallow, it’s the truth. Sex and pleasure have value. So why is it so wrong for a woman to take full ownership of them?

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