Give Foreplay The Time Of Day

For foreplay’s sake, why does foreplay have to be foreplay? Try saying that ten times quickly.

We love foreplay, and, when it’s done right, it’s often better than the main event. Problem is, currently, some guys feel obliged to rub our clit the wrong way for 17 seconds, before moving on. We want to progress towards better sex for all, and to do so, we need to make foreplay the star of the show instead. So, for foreplay’s sake, why does foreplay have to be foreplay? Try saying that ten times quickly.

Call us cynical, but we reckon it’s probably got something to do with our broken sexual education and patriarchal society (*sips tea*). Society treats penetration as the holy grail of sexual expression, meaning we’re essentially conditioned to think that sex is initiated when a penis enters a vagina. Thrilling. No other form of penetration counts either, fingers, dildo’s, screwdrivers, none of which hold a candle (pls don’t try this one at home) to the mighty penis.

Think about it. Think of your horny teenage adolescence and how, despite being sexually active, you were still a virgin until a man had “deflowered” (vom) you with his incredible penis, creating such a mind-altering shift in your brain that you were no longer a girl but instead, a woman. But, what about all the stuff that came before, the heavy petting, the fingers, the tongue, why didn’t it count? Wasn’t that fun too? Probs not, if you dealt with the same kind of teenage guys I did, but the point stands, our focus on penetration means we’re losing out on a whole lot of other fun. Just think of those 8,000 clitoris nerve endings….

Who doesn’t want more fun? Bores, that’s who. So, we need to start shifting focus. I know, I know, shifting how on earth are we meant to shift focus from something that’s been in place for thousands of years. Well it’s difficult of course it is, it’s not going to happen overnight and we’re also competing with the unrealistic scenes set on tv and films which perpetuate the essence of penetration where guy meets girl, guy and girl kiss, girl screams uncontrollably once the guy sticks his penis into her etc etc.

Perhaps we can learn something from our queer sisters, who without any natural means of penetration are actually managing to out orgasm their cishet friends. When you’re not focusing on penetration, you can focus attention on how your whole body feels against the whole of your partner, making for a full-body experience, soooo much better. Plus, even if you do enjoy penetration, having sex without it for as long as you possibly can, really heightens the sensations that you experience when you finally get to it. Win win.

Thing is, we’re not even saying penetration is awful, it can be thoroughly enjoyable. However, for as long as we consider all of these other acts as simply “foreplay”, we’re never going to progress to better all-round sex and more orgasms. The thing is, we’ve all been to restaurants where the starter is better than the main (soz if you’ve got a sweet tooth), so this focus on penetration as the ultimate sex act is harmful and restrictive. Plus as we all know already, guys are the ones who orgasm from penetration, while over 75% of women need some form of clitoral stimulation to orgasm, so it’s not just for your enjoyment that we need to change things, it’s for all women, everywhere. How’s that for a motivational speech?

So, can we please stop defining sex as a man thrusting his penis into a woman’s vagina for a small, unsatisfying amount of time, typically ending in orgasm and ejaculation, for one of the two anyway…. Instead, let’s define it however the fuck we want, taking into account the many many many types of sex outside the realm of vaginal penetration, making sex enjoyable for all genders. We’ll see you for part two in a few thousand years to see if anything has changed. The end. 

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