Vag like the Sahara desert?
I fucking love vaginas. All shapes and sizes, colours and textures; I love loose vaginas and tight vaginas, super-duper sensitive vaginas and vaginas that need to be touched exactly right. I love vaginas about as much as the patriarchy hates them. Vaginas are so magic; they’re closed up when you want them to be and stretchy when they’re excited, dry when you’re listening to some uninspiring dude called Matt call you ‘sugar tits’, and sloppy and mushy when you see the right pretty girl…
But what happens when your vagina isn’t behaving how you want it to? What happens when the scented candles are lit, you’ve got a banging sexy playlist on, the boy has good hair and nice eyes and you’re practically dribbling thinking about him inside you… and your vagina is clamped up, bone dry, currently unavailable see you after the break ZZZZZZZZZ.
Step One: Foreplay
Sometimes when our vagina isn’t about what we’re trying to do with it, it’s a good sign to check in with ourselves and our needs. Is this dude with slightly bad breath and a micro tattoo really someone we want to get jinky with? When our vaginas don’t *seem* super hyped for whatever we’re up to, it’s worth thinking about whether we’re really that hyped as well. No matter what has happened so far, however inevitable and inescapable sex seems right now, you absolutely don’t owe anyone anything at all. You definitely don’t owe anyone an orgasm, especially at the expense of your pain or bad sex.
Maybe this sex is exactly what you want in the foreseeable future, but the dude just hasn’t taken enough time to warm you up. In situations where your vagina is excitable, but just not that excited *yet*, foreplay is your friend. Maybe you just need a bit more time to warm up and stretch out. First off, there is NO rule that says penetration has to occur for you to have a good time, or a sexy time. Mouths are hella wet even if your vagina is hella dry, and stimulation >>>> penetration for most vaginas out here trying to cum anyway. Having your partner going down on you or using a toy or using their hands are all super exciting, valid and pleasurable sex acts that don’t require your vagina to naturally lubricate in the same that penetration does. But if you’re absolutely set on penetration? Then taking a bit of a detour on the way there might help you and your pussy feel more ready when the time comes.
Step Two: ????
Aight, so we’ve made Matt go down on us for actual hours, and we really do like him, but our vagina is still not playing ball with us. We’re super aroused, but our vagina just… isn’t?
That’s totally normal. Sometimes, for absolutely no reason at all, our bodies just don’t act like we wish they would. Our stomachs bloat, our heads ache, and our elbows do that weird electric funny bone thing. Sometimes we need to fart at a really embarrassing time. And sometimes, our vaginas choose to emulate the sahara desert instead of like, a moist and creamy tiramisu dessert (too far??).
The first thing we need to get clear is that even though we can wish our bodies would react differently, there is absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about. I’m sitting in bed right now with a foot full of broken toes, and whilst I wish that they were upright and groovy and not totally hurting, the idea that I would be embarrassed about them, or shame them for being little pink pain goblins is obviously totally ridic. I know that their physical state doesn’t have a ton to do with me. And it’s the same with our vaginas.
Vaginal dryness can be caused by dehydration, the time in our cycle and the weather. It can be caused by medications (including your contraception), menopause, pregnancy, breastfeeding, and using the wrong soap in the shower. It can be caused by conditions like vaginismus and endometriosis, and it can be caused for literally no reason at all. So whilst I am obviously never going to stop you swigging your obligatory litres of lemon water every morning, dry vaginas aren’t something that you can always fix at the drop of a hat.
If your dry vagina chronically brings you pain, you’re really down about it, or you’re worried that it’s a symptom of something else going on, then please see your doctor! But if she just acts up sometimes for apparently no reason (relatable, me too babe) then fear not!
Step Three: LUBE!!
The stigma around lube is one of the silliest things I’ve ever heard of. The taboo of lube is linked to the idea that vaginal dryness ALWAYS EQUALS not turned on, and so when your pussy isn’t leaping for joy at the sight of them, the dude feels inadequate. But your vagina doesn’t exist to validate men and their sexual advances. Get your self-esteem out of my pussy, Matt.
Another reason lube is super taboo is some women feel like needing it means that they’re flawed, just because they need a bit of extra slip-n-slide to have great sex. But you don’t need a super dry vagina to use lube. In these ends, I truly believe that it’s the wetter the better. There is no reason that you should have to put up with unwanted vaginal dryness, when humans have been augmenting and adapting their bodies for thousands of years to make them easier and more enjoyable to inhabit. If you would put on a jumper when you’re cold, then there is no reason why you shouldn’t lube up when you’re horny, or you know, just for fun. You can use it by yourself, with a partner, to really lower your time on a summer slip and slide or to role play as a snail – the possibilities are truly endless.
Like I said, I fucking love vaginas. Like, all vaginas. A naturally wet vagina is not superior to a vagina with a bit of extra water-based wiggle-room. And anyone who thinks so? Is gonna miss out on some great pussy.
By Bella Biddle
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