“Excuse me good sir, would you like to engage in some consensual coitus with me?”
Hardly a line which is going to get you in mood now, is it? We get it, consent can be awks and lines like the above can “kill the mood”. Consent is a very serious issue but that doesn’t mean it can’t be sexy at the same time. How so, I hear you ask? Well, the answer lies with dirty talk.
Don’t panic, you don’t have to start dropping the C word all over the place (tho if that’s what get’s you off, u do u hun). But yeah, those sweet sweet nothings can actually add to the experience.
Don’t believe us? Well, a Kinsey study found that women who experienced more orgasms were more likely to ask for what they want in bed, how’s that for a positive correlation. Get chatty and close that bloody orgasm gap…
Funny thing is, we don’t usually think of dirty talk as a form of consent, probs because we tend not to see those kinds of open conversations in popular culture scenes or porn or anywhere. So we’re not used to them.
Now, you might find the idea of it a lil daunting and that’s perfectly normal. Let’s face it, society judges women who show signs of fancyin’ a lil sexy time anyway, so it’s no wonder we shy away from saying what we really want in the bedroom. Curse those complex social norms.
Reality is tho, it’s 2020 and it’s time to get rid of those old, outdated views. Tell a partner what you want and check what they want too. Better communication, better sex. Super progressive. Rid consent as this awkward question or non question and replace it with enthusiasm that adds to the sexy vibe.
How do you go about doing this?
Simpler than you might think tbf.
To ask for consent
Add a question
It can be as easy as adding a question at the end of what you want to do.
- “What do you think?”
- “Does that sound good?
- maybe not “Would you like fries with that?”
These give your partner the chance to respond and make asking for consent less boring or robotic. Big wins all round.
To give consent
Tell them what you want them to do to *you.*
- “First I want you to undress me. Then I want you to kiss every part of my body.”
- Tonight I want you to take control, would you like that?
Consent should be both given and asked for throughout
Thankfully, there doesn’t need to be any awkward interruptions, instead you can do this by talking about how you feel.
Just think about how you’re feeling in the moment, and describe the effect they’re having on you. p.s. it’s a great way to encourage and direct your partner toward doing more of what you want in bed.
- “I love it when you touch me just like that, I want you to carry on.”
- “Your skin feels so good up against my skin.”
- “I love how your tongue feels”
Remember, even the wilder peeps may still have words that’ll make them drier than the Sahara desert. So instead, try and be specific about what it is that you like in the moment, no matter what that is, and we reckon you’ll be on the right track.